Satire: product

A little while back we had to write a satire essay type thing for school. I figured I might as well share it, so here it is:

America’s All-New Product

            America really prides itself over what they’ve done for the children:  child labor laws, mandated schooling, free public education available for all, relief for the poor children, each generation having a better life available than their parents had…but rather than teaching children to learn between bells because they’re going to have to start working in a factory soon, our educational system is packaging up all our little children on the assemble line to college.

            Those good ol’ standardized tests that everyone loves. It’s the perfect opportunity for every smart kid to skip class and get a nap as the dumb kids resign themselves to another year of remedial reading while they watch the smart kids nap. Dear board of education, so are we. As a self-professed smart kid myself, I can honestly say that Pre-calc’s a breeze, but that stuff called multiplying is a real bother. Considering that 5s are pretty much the easiest numbers to multiply other than 0, 1, and 2, I love it when I get knocked a grade because I messed up 45 x 5. What’s the definition of a smart kid, again?

            Maybe that’s exactly it though. My parents cannot remember all of their middle school math, much less Pre-calc. But if I were stranded on a desert island, I’d rather have a dumb-as-rocks boy scout with me than whoever it is that has the highest GPA in my grade. Divergent thinking makes the world go round, and decides that a pulley-system works better than assemble lines, whereas the way kids are being taught today is going to birth smart-as-heck architects that won’t know how to create an innovative design. I worry over those whose houses are in earthquake areas. And the ones who don’t want to live in a cubical house. By giving ample opportunities to take art, music, dance, and cooking, divergent thinking would be encouraged, rather than diminished. But hey, we’re perfectly okay without shop class, home economics, and all those electives our parents had. We have Wal-Mart, microwaves, and Google!

            At least colleges are taking extracurriculars more into consideration. Although they want high school students to be doing all these extra things, they’re still expecting and picking from the ones who have the higher GPAs and test scores. Sure does help all those kids that are better suited to that vocational school that doesn’t exist. Which is a perfect example of those who’d be better off by not going to traditional college. Yet, traditional college is expected by everyone who’s wanting to hire, encouraging so many people to go into debt to be able to get a piece of paper with a seal on it. In the long run, that seal shouldn’t be as important as it is. For some, it is used entirely just to catch the eye of an employer, saying that they know something they could have learned in high school, or will have to relearn once under that employer. Never fear, though, I’ll be sure to get a pretty paper too. What do employers think of the color…green, maybe?

            For the first time in a long time in history, my generation is thought to be getting a lesser quality of life than our parents. Gee, I wonder why. Box me up, check off the academics I’ve gotten, sell me for a profit. I’m sure I’ll be successful piece of merchandise for my future employer. So, the next adult who says my generation’s getting dumber- sure. And it’s all your fault.

And on that note,

~See ya someday!

P.S. I had 1 final two weeks ago, 4 exams last week, 1 this week, and 4 in June, so I'm a little busy right now, but I have more idea's I'll be writing about soon! ;)